I recently learned about a thing called a “wobble”, and no, it’s not a new dance move.
Wobbling is when you know what you want and the thought of it feels really good, but then you think about not having it already and feel badly.
The space between where you are (feeling badly) and where you want to be (feeling good), causes your happiness level – your vibrational frequency – to wobble.
A silly example – I feel beautiful and radiant and trust in my inherent beauty as a living, breathing miracle and feel great about myself.
Then I pick up People magazine and flip through the “who wore it better” section then catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Who am I kidding? Wearing jeans and a fleece, I think my hips are too wide and hair too flat to be truly beautiful. Then I feel bad.
I don’t feel badly because I’m saying bad things to myself and making comparisons. I feel badly because the source – god – within me doesn’t believe for one minute that I’m not beautiful.
Since my true self and my chosen thought don’t match, I wobble.
Confession time – I wobble the most with men.
In late 2011, I was at a peak of joy and stability in my life: bam, man, wobble. Two years later, I reemerge after the long process to put myself back on solid ground: bam, man, wobble. And now, at my most joyful ever yet: bam, man, wobble.
What is it about men that throws me off balance??
It’s not them; it’s me. I do it to myself.
In yoga, when you hold a balancing pose, You need a few key supports:
- You find a drishti, or gaze point to focus on. It’s not a hard stare, but a soft concentration to steady the eyes and mind.
- You draw the public bone towards the naval, the hipbones towards each other, and squeeze the inner thighs along the midline of the body – you draw inwards towards the center to harness your inherent strength.
Without these two aspects – staying softly focused on an unwavering focal point and drawing gently inward, you’re unsteady in your balance.
If you lose focus, you fall.
If you dump your belly forward, you lose the integrity of your muscular structure and breath and thereby lose the strength of the body to hold the position.
It’s simple biomechanics.
Yet, walk off the mat, and I forget that some lessons reach beyond yoga.
Maybe it’s my yoga leanings, but I believe in the idea that we’re all one.
If you’ve ever seen my license plate “1lif1lov”, you know I’m a believer that all life is one vibration and the frequency of that vibration is love.
But somewhere in the deeper aspects of spiritual connection, I confused a romantic relationship with a merging of two identities. Perhaps I internalized “the other half”, despite touting the belief that we’re already whole.
Just like the Shiva (masculine) and Shakti (feminine) energies within each of us – harmony doesn’t come from a merger, but rather a balance.
It’s like the two energies find the same vibration and co-create on that level.
Similarly, when you reach a state of balance in a yoga pose, it feels effortless – your structure (the muscles and bones) and focus are aligned. You can expand, breathe and absorb the benefits.
Unfortunately that’s not how most of us experience balancing.
We tense against the idea and try to muscle into it. We harden the eyes and chastise the body for not being more stable.
We blame the external layers – weak ankles, tired muscles, aging inner ears. Or you find what seems like balance and then wobble when the person in front of you falls.
You found external balance, not internal balance.
Inner balance requires a drawing inward of your awareness. To release the outer aspects and see and feel from the inside. It’s only by creating the pose from the inside out that the breath can move through the body and expand us to our full, joyful capacity.
And this is where I get tripped up with men.
Flirting is fun. Being around another person is fun. Thinking about what they said, how they moved, what they did – it’s a lovely distraction and escape.
Like watching TV, getting lost in another person allows you to forget about yourself for awhile.
Yet once you turn off the memorizing glow, your re-entry into your own life leaves you dazed and not quite clear about who you were before you got wrapped up the story.
You want to watch more just to take away the confused, empty feeling and ignore the subtle suggestion that you’re alone again and lost.
So you text them, see them, tell your friends about them. Anything to avoid facing the wobble.
You lose your footing.
Luckily you can try again.
Re-visit your dreams, your vision board, your life strategy – your goals, values and vision.
Softly re-focus your mind on how you want to feel – how you intend to be – and then start feeling that way regardless of anyone or anything else.
Your happiness and joyful vibration are your North Star.
Laugh with friends, take an adventure, eat your favorite dessert – seek out pleasure and revel in it.
Then draw inwards towards your center. Give yourself a gentle boundary – a soft, mobile container to support your focus.
Then expand from within. Fill yourself to the capacity with the complete, vital, miraculous life-force you are.
If you can’t balance – if it’s not effortless and uplifting, then release and try again. Soften your gaze, firm up your boundaries, change the thoughts you’re repeating in your head, and try again.
If you wobble, don’t worry. You’re just temporarily off track.
The wobble’s your reminder that your true self – your beautiful source nature who is holding the highest vision of yourself – has a different understanding of who you really are.
It knows you are enough.