Lately my life has been a continual process of saying goodbye. I’ve been clearing out my Rolodex of old beliefs, unhelpful habits and unwanted relationship patterns.

Shining a light on the shitty corners of your mind isn’t fun. But it’s necessary if you’re serious about living to your potential.

Danielle LaPorte suggests that when you stop accepting the crap that imitates love, you can actually move more deeply into really loving and expressing who you are.

We’re not just talking about romantic love here – you may be settling for less than you want in your business, relationships with family or friends, at work or in your spiritual journey. You may be giving less than your best to yourself, creating internal discomfort and mistrust.

The problem is tolerating what doesn’t enhance you, whether it’s from you or others.

When we feel unsafe, unsupported or misunderstood, our defenses go up. We can’t show our true colors and be the loving, joyful, playful balls of awesome we really are. We end up settling for a caricature of ourselves and a shallow excuse for true connection.

Hardly a foundation you want to build your life on.

Luckily you can spot the sub-par offenders pretty easily.

To help you sort the crap you’re tolerating from the real, inspiring love in your life, Danielle asks if you feel

  • Uplifted or weighted down?
  • Expanded or resentful?
  • Free or muffled?

Your emotions always know the truth.

Let me repeat that: Even when you don’t want to admit it, your emotions know the truth.

And eventually, with feet dragging, you have to let go of what makes you feel less than you really are.

There’s a silver lining though – when you start to clear out the good, you make way for the great.

When you stay true to who you are – your intentions for how you will love and live in the world – the whole world aligns to bring you what you want. The trick is to stay focused on the outcome and release your desire to control the packaging.

Let me give you an example. Us humans are really stubborn when it comes to romantic relationships. We have a moment or two of feeling how we hope to always feel in love and then cling to the person involved thinking he or she’s the answer. We shift our entire focus to the package, instead of our real desire – the contents.

Instead, keep this motto in mind:

Donut quote

Here are two practices to help you release your attachments and let go of what doesn’t serve you:

The first is a quick meditation you can use anytime to cut the energetic cord between you and another person. This is great if your tendency is to get caught up in someone else’s feelings and actions instead of staying centered in yourself.

The second are my secret weapons to help me purge the unneeded and fill the gaps with good feelings and intentions – essential oils. I love to use these three oils in combination to let the negative go and let joy in. (If you’re interested, you can buy them through me here).

Together, these two practices will help you stay focused on your own joy and help you let go of anything holding you back from your true self.

I’ll end with one quick caveat – sometimes our defenses are so high and we’re so embedded in our minds, we forget how to feel from the heart. If you’re the type that strives for goals you think will make your future self happy but that leave the present-day you stressed, isolated and unable to emotionally connect with others, tread carefully with the suggestions above.

Your natural tendency is most likely to immediately cut out anything from your life that challenges you to open to your deeper self and loving potential. Before you cut the tie, check in with your heart using this practice. Although your mind may ring the alarm bell, the discomfort may just be learning to live from your heart. I promise the rewards are worth it.