I started to write you about the 3 ways you’re playing the victim and how to snap out of it using simple energetic techniques, but I just couldn’t do it.

Because snapping out of it isn’t on my mind today – playing the victim is.

Lately I’ve embarked on a new relationship and it’s hard. Not because there’s drama or because he’s stubborn or I’m too sensitive.

But because people carry lifetimes of baggage with them wherever they go.

So when he burps in the last 3 seconds of my favorite movie and I roll my eyes – that’s a thing. Not because it matters. But because I’m rolling my eyes as every woman he’s ever known. And his burp stands for every careless, inconsiderate, poorly-timed action the men in my past may have done.

And so our fears and patterns begin to reveal themselves…

Blaming others and/or yourself in any area of your life is a slippery slope.

It starts off sounding like responsibility and maturity: 

“Well, I have this pattern that makes me sensitive to X, so I probably overreacted to Y. I’ll work on being more aware of it.”

But over time, taking the blame can slowly build a power dynamic that traps you in a cycle of insecurity and perfection.

One person (or thing) holds the upper hand while the other is always adapting and changing to improve:

She’s great; I’m just too…
Abundance is everywhere; I’ll get there once I change…
If I was only …, then I’d finally get promoted.

It sounds like harmless commentary, even responsible self-reflection.

But what you’re really saying is – I’m imperfect and only once I’m perfect, will success, love, happiness, joy, and abundance be available to me.

Not exactly an empowering recipe for action.

So what’s the secret sauce to staying centered and owning your future without punishing yourself for your present?

Awareness – and loyalty.

Loyalty to how you feel right now in your own life and body.

It’s easy to sneak outside yourself to consider what others are thinking and feeling. But what matters is YOU.

How you feel. How you’re showing up. How you treat people. How boldly you pursue your honest, authentic self.

It’s impossible to win by trying to please or appease others.

But when you stand fully in who YOU are, you give people something to work with. Someone to learn from, interact with, and love.

Just look at our most beloved TV characters – Sheldon Cooper, Leslie Knope, Barney Stinson. They become our favorites not because they wonder what other people are thinking and how they can do better next time.

They win our hearts by being nut jobs. Confident, bold, hilarious weirdos who we can choose to love just as they are.

Let that sink in.

The most successful and loved people are the most daringly unique. Not for their creativity or action, but for their willingness to love themselves no matter what.

This is the answer. Radical self-love is the solution.

So right now, right here, drop the baggage. Drop the shame, fear, worry. Quit the self-manipulation and attempts to morph your way through life until you finally fit the mould.

Be free. Be brave. Be YOU!