Your Bad-Relationship Cleanse

Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between the two my life flows.
– Nisargadatta Maharaj

Monday was a Scorpio full moon. If your woo-woo radar just went off and your eyes glazed over, bear with me.

We’re all affected by the moon. Being mostly made of water, we have no choice in the matter.

Here’s how you might notice it – you have trouble sleeping for longer than a few hours when it’s a full moon. Or you feel agitated, elated, or otherwise “high-energy” during a full moon.

These past two weeks, you may have confronted truths you’d previously swept under the rug. You may have felt angry, fed up, on edge, and like you want to cut and run.

This moon in particular stood for deep transformation – letting outdated thoughts, beliefs, and habits die. Because they’re not the real you.

The real you is now required.

You have too many gifts to share to stay small, limited, or scared. It’s time to release those insecurities, embrace the catharsis, and transform.

Scorpio asks us to go deep and dump the drama.

It’s the all-or-nothing, go-big-or-go home sign. That means whatever’s been dragging you down has to go.

And never come back.

One of my main sticky areas has been relationships – of all kinds.

I frequently acquiesce to other people’s desires and defer to their experience. I doubt and question myself in relationships, then act defensively to protect my vulnerable state of confusion and insecurity.

These habits are particularly challenging in romantic relationships because I tend to feel unsafe, out of control, and needy all at the same time. My inner child rules and she throws a fit.

Until now, that is.

Because I learned a lot about love and relationships in the past week.

The Scorpio moon kicked my mental ass and challenged me to step up or shut up. To surrender to change or go down fighting.

I surrendered.

This is what I learned:
 
1. You have a voice. Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to express them.

The first step is to acknowledge that you have feelings. Once you’re connected to your own opinions, you can honor yourself by sharing them with others authentically and respectfully.

 

2. Every one else is human too.

That means they’re also flawed. That guy or girl you like doesn’t have all the answers, they are not the authority on how things have to be, and they don’t necessarily have it “right”.

They have their own history, baggage, and background, which influences their perspective. No one owns the “right” view.

 

3. When you violate your own boundaries in the hopes of getting love, you just get your boundaries violated.

It might be hard to stay true to what’s right for you, but the right person will respect your choices. Trying to push up a wall that’s already fallen down is a losing battle.

 

4. If you act in the hopes of getting a specific outcome, you’re in manipulation, not love.

It’s normal to want to feel special. But when you adapt your personality and actions in the hopes of receiving attention and love, you’re only hurting yourself (see #3).

The key is to express your desire and then remain unattached to the outcome. That allows you to respond to the truth of the moment, not react to your met and/or unmet expectations.

 

5. Intimacy grows from connection; not the other way around.

Our culture seems confused on this one… The power, beauty, and excitement of sexual contact comes from the desire to be closer to another person. The desire to be closer doesn’t come from sex.



Sex is the human experience of creating Oneness from seeming separateness. It is duality transmuted into unity.

But the deeper satisfaction of the experience – the ability to explore your spiritual nature and truly surrender, release, and transcend your ego – comes from feeling connected and safe, both with yourself and your partner.

That means that all this focus on superficial sex isn’t getting you where you want to go. You may feel physical pleasure and momentarily not alone, but you are not feeding your soul. Instead you’re robbing from it.

When you start a relationship with sexual contact, you’re repeating the injury of separation – and digging the rut of hurt, mistrust, and alienation even deeper.

The connection isn’t there to feel safe, so you check out more to protect yourself, which makes your sexual interactions even more shallow.

So the next time you want to hop in bed with someone hoping it’ll lead to a relationship, stop. Let the relationship come first.

If it doesn’t materialize, be thankful you didn’t go through the pain of sharing your most intimate self with someone who doesn’t want to truly connect with you. (see #3 & #4).

 

6. You are worthy of being accepted, as is, no matter if you’re defensive, hurt, imperfect, shy, abrasive, or just want to take it slow.

It’s hard to navigate trying to get what you want while interacting with another person. We want approval, love, and acceptance – it’s how we feel safe and secure on a deep, primal level.

But you can receive love and acceptance without changing or shaming yourself. Learn how to gift it to yourself first, and then you’ll be able to attract the same caring behavior from others.

 

Above all else, remember – you get to win in relationships.

As long as you don’t keep backing the half-filled losing team in the hopes they’ll miraculously become something they’re not.

You have to hold the space for your own standards and value.

So if you’re ready to say enough is enough and finally move beyond your old relationship patterns and choose YOU, now is the time!

Blame it on the moon or my email – whatever excuse you need – let yourself step forward now.

Release your old story lines about the ones who didn’t serve, honor, uplift, and satisfy you.

Why spend your precious energy focusing on the lack of what you want instead of calling in what you do?

It may be an adjustment, but go on a bad-relationships cleanse. Make way for what you really want and deserve – in lovers, friends, and family.

You’re worth it.

Be free. Be brave. Be YOU!

Love,
Alexis